Is it really August?

Sorry, no pictures or funny stories about the little one today.... I'm feeling reflective....

I was in the store today watching families shop for school supplies and it dawned on me that it's the end of August. School starts this week. Every August for the last 27 years of my life I've been busy getting ready to go back to school, first as a student and then as a teacher. This year, it's August, but I'm not getting ready to go back. It's a very odd feeling. Usually I'm busy reading teaching magazines and scouring websites for new ideas about activities to do the first week of school. I'm going to the teacher stores and stocking up on posters, bulletin board borders, name tags, and other sorts of classroom necessities. I'm having nightmares about my students being out of control or not being able to find my classroom. I'm tired from moving desks in my classroom, trying to decide how to arrange it to be functional, yet different than what I've done before.

This year I'm not doing any of those things.

Instead I'm busy reading parenting magazines and scouring websites for new ideas about how to get an infant to sleep through the night and eat her cereal. I'm going to baby stores and stocking up on formula, diapers, wipes, and other sorts of baby necessities. I'm having nightmares about my daughter being kidnapped or not being able to find her. I'm tired from doing laundry, washing bottles, changing diapers, and cleaning up drool and spit-up.

And I wouldn't change a single thing.

Yes, it's strange to not be getting ready for school to start, but I have very little desire to be there, as much as I've loved it. I know I'll miss my old students. I know I'll miss my wonderful colleagues. I know I'll miss interacting with different people on a daily basis. But oh, the things I would miss if I did go back.......

...Wide-eyed, full-faced grins that couldn't get any bigger when I kiss her little tummy
...Loud squeals of delight when I put her underneath a mirror where she can smile as she looks up at herself
...More loud squeals as she watches her mobile go 'round and 'round
...Cute little smiles and chubby kicking legs when she sees me come into her room to get her up after a nap
...and more and more and more and more and more

Sometimes I'm envious of my friends who work and get to be out in the world, having adult conversation, getting a break from their little ones, making a contribution to the world, but more often than not, I'm sad for them and what they're missing. I know they wish with all of their hearts that they could be at home, too. So when I sometimes get sad about what I might be missing by teaching, or get frustrated that she's fussy or won't sleep and I just need a break, I remember how thankful I am to have this chance to be at home to raise our little girl. No school, or Fortune 500 company, for that matter, could pay me enough to miss this. I'm so very grateful.