summer!

The summer temps have returned, and are supposed to be around all week, so guess what made its debut today!

She was thrilled, to say the least.

It wasn't even full yet and she was in it, splashing around in the freezing cold water.  While she's napping I hope the water will warm up a bit so she can swim in it more later this afternoon.

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying my mother's day present, which my husband put together for me last week:

I love it and can't wait to swing with BOTH my girls in it very, very soon!  (Nope, she's still not here....taking her sweet ol' time.  She seems to have a mind of her own already--uh oh!)

birthdays

Tomorrow is my husband's birthday.  It's a milestone birthday, though I won't tell you which one....he probably wouldn't like it if I did.  I had been planning for years that for this special birthday I would have a big surprise party for him and invite all of his friends from up north where he used to live and totally blow him over with the surprise.  Then, 9 months ago, I found out that a baby would be arriving right around the same time as this big day.  I knew I wouldn't be able to pull off the big surprise that I had been hoping for. 

So there's no surprise.  I'm sad about that.  I really wanted to make it special, because he really doesn't like his birthday (especially this one), and I wanted to do my best to make it a happy day for him.  He's told me over and over that he hopes the baby decides to arrive on his birthday, because then everyone would forget about his for the rest of his life and focus on the little one's birthday instead!  While I don't particularly want them to share a birthday, at this point it would be absolutely fine with me if this baby decided to come tomorrow (or today, for that matter!!).  Maybe I should eat some spicy food tonight....I read that it sometimes puts women into labor.  I've already tried bouncing on my exercise ball....another trick that supposedly works, but hasn't worked for me.  I've been on it almost every day this week and there's still no baby. 

At this week's doctor's appointment I found out that I've progressed a bit more (to 4 cm), so that was good news, and she told me that she'd induce me next week if I wanted, and advised that that's what she would do if she was in my shoes.  So that's what I've decided to do.  Unless the baby comes on her own earlier this week, I'm going to be induced on Thursday morning, May 27th.  So it looks like we'll be having two birthdays to celebrate in the family this week:  Daddy's on the 23rd (actually, that's my grandpa's birthday, too!), and baby girl's on the 27th (or any of the days from the 22nd-26th would be just fine, too!!!).

still waiting....

Yesterday was one of the most disappointing of my life.  Around noon, out of nowhere, I started having fairly strong contractions between 2-4 minutes apart.  Knowing how dilated I was and how low the baby was, according to my doctor, my husband (who was home for lunch just after they started) started rushing around the house like a maniac, getting us ready to get to the hospital while I frantically called my parents and various friends, looking for somewhere to take Rachel until my parents could get here and pick her up.  He had visions of delivering the baby in the car if we didn't hurry up.  Within the hour we were at the hospital, with the contractions still a steady 2-4 minutes apart. 

(Someday I'll add details here about the horrible accident we almost witnessed on the way to the hospital and the way my husband practically broke my hand while squeezing it in the triage room....but for now, I'll get to the story at hand.)

They took me back to the labor and delivery triage room and got me all hooked up to monitors.  The baby's heart rate looked good and my contractions continued to be every 2-4 minutes.  They checked me and said I was 3 cm dilated, which I had been at the doctor's office last week. 

The nurse called my doctor's office, but my doctor wasn't in, so she talked to another doctor there (who I've never met).  He wanted me to walk for an hour and see if I'd dilate and labor progressed.  So my husband and I waddled around the labor and delivery floor (15 times, if I remember my husband's count correctly--and I should say that I waddled...he just walked slowly for my benefit!) for an hour, while my contractions got stronger and stronger and closer together.  We went back to the room, hoping for some good news of more dilation.

Nope.  Still 3 cm.  She said they'd let me labor for another half hour and check me again to see, but that they'd probably send me home.  Meanwhile, a doctor from the hospital came in to talk to me and tell me that it probably wasn't active labor and they didn't want to induce me because I wasn't 39 weeks, everything looked fine with my health and the baby's health, and it wasn't medically necessary to get the baby out yet (I was 38 weeks, 2 days yesterday....6 days shy of when they apparently would've induced me).  They checked me again a bit later, and I was still only 3 cm.  Another doctor came in and told me the same thing.  Not labor.  Huh?  I was in PAIN!  It sure was labor!  Maybe not active labor, but definitely labor. 

So even though I was still having painful contractions every 2-4 minutes, they sent me home. I don't know if I've ever been more disappointed.  We were sure this was it--who has contractions that close together, that painful, and is already 3 cm dilated, and gets sent home????  I was devastated.   They also told me that it would be a hard call about when to come back, since I was already having the contractions so close together and they were painful.  They said I'd have to judge when they started getting more painful and then come....or if my water broke.  I was hoping for the water to break so I'd know for sure.

So I spent another couple of hours in pain every 3 minutes or so at home, until finally the pain started dying away and the contractions slowed down.  More disappointment.  No baby.  At least not on May 18th.  (Not that I was set on May 18th....I'm just ready for this baby to come out!!!!)

The good part was that I was able to sleep last night.  I was worried that the contractions would last into the night and I'd never get rest, but I did.  And today at Babies R Us I was still able to park in the "expectant mothers" parking space....I have to look at the positive side here.  :)

Today there haven't been any contractions.  Just lots of discomfort, like usual.  I know the end is in sight...but it just seems to be taking FOR-EVER to get there.  Tomorrow I have another doctor's appointment and I'm anxious to see what MY doctor has to say about the whole thing. 

the waiting game

I got some good news and some bad news at the doctor's office yesterday.  The good news is that I'm 3 cm dilated and things are ready to go.  The doctor said it could be any day.  The bad news is that it could be any day. 

See, I had resigned myself to the fact that this baby likely wouldn't come until her due date or after (since I had originally been due June 7th, and they moved it up to May 30th....I kept telling myself she wouldn't come until June).  Now that the doctor has told me it could be any day, I want it to happen NOW!  I'm becoming very, VERY impatient.  I know she'll come when she's ready, but I'm really, really tired, uncomfortable, and just SO ready for this season of life (pregnancy) to be done and the next one (mothering an infant again) to start. 

But here I am waiting.  The waiting game is not one I want to play any longer.  I'm ready!!!

on being a mother

What a difference a year makes...

(37 weeks today...full term!)

This is what I was thinking last year on Mother's Day.  It's been a looooooooooong year since then, and I'm so glad not to be in that place anymore.

This year I have much happier, hopeful thoughts in my mind, but I can't stop thinking about last mother's day, and how hard it was.  And how hard I know it is for so many women because of loss or infertility or heartache of some sort.   And  really, I don't want to forget, because I always want to be sensitive to those I know in those situations.

I've spent the last month or so really trying to enjoy and make the most of each minute I have alone with Rachel before the baby comes.

Even though I'm usually tired and often don't want to, when she asks to play a game or color with me, or whatever, I try to comply, because I know that a month from now when she asks, it'll be a lot harder to say yes. 

And I'm almost always rewarded for making the sacrifice, as I hear, "This is so fun, Mommy, playing games with you," or whatever it is we've been doing together.  I hope that I'm making memories with her that she'll happily remember.

Yesterday morning we made pizza dough and then banana bread together (I've been trying to fill the freezer with meals and food, preparing for after the birth).  She had a great time, and though it slows things down to have her "help" me, I keep reminding myself that it's the memories that matter, not just that I got it done. 

I've also been trying to focus on the enjoyable parts of pregnancy (at this stage, they're hard to come by, but it really does help improve my mood when I focus on them!).  I know it is a gift to have this little girl growing inside me, and I don't want to lose sight of that in my discomfort and difficulty.  I know that this is very likely the last time I'll experience pregnancy, and though I don't really enjoy being pregnant (I'm envious of women who do!), there are definitely things I'll miss about it, so I want to enjoy them now, while I can.  I know the thing I'll miss the most is feeling her move inside of me.  Ever since the first movement back in December, and the immense joy it brought, after feeling no life for so long, each movement has been a wonderful reminder that she's alive, healthy, and growing.  Now that the movements are forceful, uncomfortable, and often annoying, I still love knowing that she's alive, healthy, and growing!  

(Oh, and I also know I'll miss being able to eat ice cream whenever I want!  After this baby comes I'll have to start paying more attention to what I eat and ice cream certainly won't be on the list of what I should be eating very often!)

I'm kind of rambling, and don't know if I really have a point, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that being a mother (pregnant or not) is hard, and sometimes it's easy to get frustrated by all of the sacrifices I have to make, but when I choose to focus on the positive, instead of the negative, I realize that the sacrifices are so worth it. 

Happy Mothers' Day.

showers of blessing

My friends threw me a little baby shower on Friday.  Because it's a girl and I have all the baby gear I need and about every pink thing imaginable from Rachel's infancy, they showered me with diapers and wipes instead of clothes or baby gear.  Look at all of these diapers!!!

What a blessing it will be to not have to buy diapers for quite awhile!

(And while I'm at it, here's a picture of the new crib.)

Of course, I forgot to take pictures at the shower because I was too busy enjoying hanging out with some of my favorite people who I don't get to see very often.

The shower wasn't a surprise--my friend Amanda asked me about it about a month ago to find a date that worked for everyone--but what WAS a surprise is that my dearest friend, Allecia, came from out of state!  I wasn't expecting that, and was so excited to see her.  I did remember to take a picture the next morning....

(she was in cahoots with my husband and arranged to stay at our house that night, without my knowing beforehand, so we got to stay up late talking after everyone left and hang out a little the next morning...when I could get a word in with my chatty Rachel who monopolized the conversation, telling Miss Allecia every little thing that popped into her brain!)

It was a wonderful night (complete with cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory!  Yum!).  Now I'm really ready to welcome this little girl into our family.  26 days and counting until she's due! (and of course it's wishful thinking, but maybe she'll even come early!  Rachel was three days early....)

four year stats

Rachel had her four year doctor's visit today.  Most of this is rather unexciting news, but I want to keep track for posterity's sake...

She's 39 1/4 inches tall, which puts her in the 45th percentile for height.  Last year she was only in the 25th percentile!  She's grown three inches since last year at this time.

She weighs 33 1/2 pounds, which also puts her in the 45th percentile.  Again, last year she was in the 25th percentile, and before that, at her 2 year visit, she was only in the 5th percentile (and let's not forget before that, when she was below the chart!).  The doctor is thrilled with her growth, and so are we.  She's right where she should be (though, how she's managed that with her current picky eating practices, I'll never know!).

She had to get three shots.  I didn't know what to expect, so I hadn't told her about it beforehand, but after the doctor told me, I passed the news along to Rachel.  She said, "Oh no!  It's going to hurt!"  And when the nurse came in to do them, she was a little scared.  But she barely said "Ouch!" and didn't cry a bit.  She hugged me with one arm while the nurse put them in the other and was such a trooper.  She complained before I put her down for her nap that her "boo-boos" hurt, and pointed to her bandaids on her arm, but that's all I've heard about it. 

She chatted away with the doctor and the nurses and had a grand old time.  I'm glad going to the doctor is such a fun outing for her!  Her only complaint on the way home:  "Mommy, they forgot to take my temperature!" 

tickets

Here's a story I forgot to write about in the birthday post. 

My grandpa sent a card along with my mom when she came for Rachel's birthday.  So when she was opening her presents, she also opened the card from her great-grandpa.  When she opened it, four one-dollar bills fell out, since she was turning four.  She got really excited and said, "Wow!"  My mom asked her what they were, as she picked them up. 

"TICKETS!" she replied, excitedly.

"Tickets?" we all asked, trying to control our laughter. 

"Yeah, tickets!"  she said.

She was so excited....but had absolutely no idea what they were.  Grandma explained that it was money (she's never received money before, nor does she ever see me use money, other than a penny to ride the horse at Meijer every now and then....I always use my debit card to pay for everything!).

Then she was even more excited, when she found out it was paper money.

"Mommy, we can buy GROCERIES!!!" she exclaimed.  That had us all rolling on the floor.  I told her that we wouldn't use her money to buy groceries, but that she could go to the toy store and pick out something that she wanted with her money.  She liked that idea.

The next day we were getting ready to go pick up her cake for her party.  She said, "Mommy, we can use my money to buy it!"  Bless her heart.... I explained that Mommy and Daddy would buy her cake and she could save her money for something she really wanted for herself.

She finally decided that she wanted to buy a horn for her new big girl bike--a princess horn for her princess bike. So last week she and I went to Toys R Us to find one.  They only had two, and they were black, and they didn't work.  She was so disappointed.  But then she spotted a princess bell.  I was against it at first, and told her we should go to another store to look for a horn, because she's never been successful at making the bells ring on her own, and I didn't want her constantly asking one of us to ring the bell for her.  But I got it down and had her try it, and sure enough, she was able to make it ring on her own.  So we bought it (after walking around the store looking at everything else, with her telling me she was going to buy this and that too--I had to expain over and over that she only had enough money to buy the bell and we weren't going to buy any of the other things).  She had 79 cents left over, after using her money and the gift card they send you for being in their birthday club. 

She said, "Where's my money?" once the cashier took it. 

I showed her the change and said, "This is what is left after we paid the man for the bell."  She was a little confused about how her paper money became coin money, but she was excited about the coins.

As we walked out of the store she saw the Winnie the Pooh ride on toy they have out in the front.  She has always wanted to ride it, but we've never let her.  She said, "Can I use my coins to ride Winnie the Pooh?"

It was her money, so I told her she could use it for whatever she wanted, and that's what she wanted.  She put in her two coins (it was 50 cents to ride it) and it started moving and playing the Winnie and Pooh theme song.  I don't think there's ever been a little girl so happy to ride that thing.  She smiled and laughed her way through the whole ride.  It was well worth the 50 cents, just to see her so happy to use her money on something she wanted so much.  And the fun continued after we got home: I put the bell on her bike and she rode down the sidewalk ringing it over and over as she rode, making up a song about a princess bell.  She is completely thrilled with it. 

So thank you, Grandpa, for making my girl so happy with her four TICKETS! 

birthday fun

Last Friday, Rachel's birthday, was a full and fun day celebrating my girl. 

-She helped me make cinnamon rolls for breakfast (helping me means actually helping for about two minutes, and licking a spoonful of whatever dough/batter/icing there is for the rest of the time I'm busy making whatever we're making "together").

-She played in her room FOREVER, and was having such a great time that I decided not to go ahead with my plan for heading to Toys R Us, and to let her play instead.

-We took a trip to the grocery store because she wanted to "help" me make the cupcakes I was planning on making during naptime, and I had run out of cupcake liners.  While we were there I got her a princess birthday balloon, which she then carried with glee all around the store.

-She "helped" me make cupcakes (just as much as she helped me make cinnamon rolls).

-We headed to Red Robin for lunch with friends to celebrate the birthday girl.  She was so psyched for the waiters to sing "Happy Birthday" to her (she remembered it from last year), but this was the look on her face when they did:

because it wasn't the regular "Happy Birthday" song, but their own version.  The first thing she said after they left was, "I fink that was a wittle bit diff-went."  But she had a great time sharing her ice cream with her friends:

-During her nap, Grandma and Grandpa arrived.  When she came downstairs after her nap she spied a big box of presents they had brought with them.  Daddy had just gotten home from work, so she opened the presents, along with a couple from us (we saved most of them until her party the following day).

-She got to choose what she wanted for dinner.  She said mac and cheese, but as soon as we got to the restaurant she changed her mind to pancakes.  When they learned it was her birthday they put extra whipped cream on her pancakes.  What a lucky girl!

-We came home and sang happy birthday to her and she blew out the candles on her cupcakes.  She loved it all.

-She got to stay up late and play some of the games Grandma and Grandpa had given her: Cootie and Hi-Ho-Cherry-O.  It was a happy day.


Saturday morning she woke up and said, "Mommy, you're supposed to tell me Happy Birthday!"  I told her it wasn't her birthday today, but it was her party day.  She was satisfied with that and couldn't wait.

Grandma, Rachel, and Mommy went to the store to pick up her cake.  She was so excited to come home and put the princesses on it (she got the princesses the day before as a birthday present, and I told her they were for putting on her cake for the party).

The party began a little before lunchtime.  The kids (Rachel and five of her cousins) played outside for as long as possible before coming in for pizza).

After lunch and more playing Rachel opened her presents.  It was such a beautiful day that she opened them outside.  She was thrilled with everything.  Her favorite was Tiana's blue dress (third picture below).  She'd been wanting it and talking about it forever.

We were most excited to give her the big girl bike.  She'd been talking about wanting one for quite awhile and we were sure she'd be thrilled with it.  But as soon as she saw it she burst into tears and said, "But I want to ride my old bike!"  We don't understand what that was about, because she soon cheered up and was excited about riding her new bike, but it kind of put a damper on our excitement of giving her the bike.  Not to mention the damper of me pinching her chin in the strap of her bike helmet, causing her to start crying all over again (and me crying too because I felt so bad for hurting her....and because I'm pretty much an emotional, hormonal wreck at this point in pregnancy!)

While everyone else was playing outside some more, she wanted to play inside so she could wear her new Tiana dress.  We told her she could try it on and show everyone.....but then she played outside some more, without the dress.

Finally it was time for cake.  She loved having everyone sing to her and laughed the entire time.

She had a great birthday.  I can't believe my little girl is four.


(And for those of you who are wondering....34 weeks down, and only 6 weeks left!  This baby is coming SOON!!!!)

my sweet girl

I'm working on a post about her birthday weekend, but it's taking awhile because of the all of the pictures.

In the meantime, enjoy the picture I had taken of her this morning.

four!

My sweet birthday girl,

Where has the time gone?  Didn't you just look like this yesterday???

Last week I read this letter I wrote to you last year on your birthday, and I thought to myself that so much of it still applies this year.  In many ways, you haven't changed a lot since then.  And yet, you're so much more grown up this year at age four than you were at age three. 

*You still love playing outside, but this year you are so much more independent in your playing.  You climb up and down on the playset with such confidence, can swing by yourself (though you'd rather have Mommy or Daddy push you higher!), and ride your tricycle up and down the sidewalk as fast as can be while Mommy or Daddy watch, instead of walking alongside you (this year you're getting a big girl bike for your birthday, and I can't wait to see your face light up when you ride it up and down the sidewalk instead!).

*You're still a chatterbox!  You say the funniest things and make Daddy and me laugh all the time.  

*You're still a princess fanatic--probably even more than you were a year ago.  Your favorites change from day to day, but you're completely in love with Tiana and The Princess and the Frog at the moment.  Your love of Thomas isn't quite what it used to be, though you still enjoy playing with your train table every few days.  But you'd much rather play princess or a game or color pictures these days.

*You still love letters, and this year you've learned to write your name.  Just the other day you asked me, "Mommy, what letters spell dog?"  I said, "Why don't you tell me?"  So you said the sounds, "d...d....d.....o....o....o....g...g...g."  So I asked you what letters those were, and you told me, "D....O....G!"  You're well on your way to being a reader.  You're also counting much better than you were a year ago.  You can count up to 14 without any mistakes, but have a little trouble getting from 14 to 20, but you're learning quickly. 

*You are such a social little girl, and love people.  You ask me almost every day, "Where are we going today, Mommy?" because you're so anxious to get out of the house and into the world with other people.  You love preschool, and every day when you walk in the classroom your classmates get so excited and yell, "Rachel!  You're HERE!"  You love them, and they love you.  Every couple of days you say, "Mommy, I have to tell you something."  When I ask what you need to tell me, you say, "I like everybody!"  And it's so true!


This past year has been a hard one for your Mommy, but you've taken it all in stride and become a much more independent little girl because of it.  You help Mommy whenever you can and are such a good girl.  You're also such a happy girl--enthusiastic and excited about every day.  You fill my days with such joy and laughter.

This next year has some very big changes in store, and though you're super excited about being a big sister soon, I know you really have no clue just how much this little sister will change your little world!  In the past week or so it's just started to hit me that these are the last weeks I'll have with just you and me, and I've been sad and nostalgic about it, trying to savor every last bit of it.  For the last four years my life has been almost completely about caring for, playing with, and teaching YOU, and in just a few short weeks, that will all change.  I know that I'll still do all of those things, but now I'll have to figure out how to do all of those things plus care for, play with, and teach your little sister, too!  And unfortunately, out of necessity, her needs will have to take prescedence over yours sometimes, and that will likely leave you disappointed and sad at times.  I hate the thought of making you feel that way and don't want any of this to change who you are.  But I know that with time we'll all figure it out together.  That's why I'm so glad you've become so independent in the last year--putting your clothes on, going potty by yourself, washing yourself in the bathtub, cleaning up after yourself (sometimes!), and on and on.  You're such a big girl and a cheerful helper, and I know that you'll be a huge help to Mommy in caring for your little sister.

I can't wait to watch you become a big sister, and know this will be a year full of both joy and change for all of us. 

I love you,  my sweet four year old.  Happy, happy birthday!

Love,
Mommy

Easter pictures

Her first time dying easter eggs was a great success.  She loved it!

Easter Morning

She got a princess kite in her Easter basket.  We went to the park to fly it.  She was ecstatic.  The wind was perfect and she even got to fly it all by herself part of the time.  It was a beautiful day.

We had an easter egg hunt in our backyard for her after she woke up from her nap.  She had a great time.

SPRING!!!

Actually, it's been more like summer the last few days.  A record of 81 degrees Thursday, and yesterday it was 85!  I broke out the few items of maternity capris, shorts, and short sleeved shirts I have, and it's exciting to have something different to wear, after wearing the same four pairs of pants and seven or eight shirts for the last several months, even if it IS maternity clothes!  (I actually have a ton of summer stuff that generous friends have given or loaned to me, but sadly, most of them don't fit, so I'm pretty limited in what works).  I'm not complaining....I'm still excited to have different clothes to wear, and especially for the beautiful, warmer weather that allows me to wear them!

So with the warm weather means LOTS of playing outside.  To say Rachel loves playing outside is a huge understatement.  She'd rather play outside than do just about anything, I think.  We've been outside every possible moment these last few days.  She comes in for her bath at night dirty and scraped up and oh so happy!  What does she do outside all day?  Bike riding, swinging, sliding, climbing, soccer ball kicking, bubble blowing, leaf raking (we have a big oak tree which sheds its leaves in the spring, so she and Daddy have been raking those up this week), rock collecting, cloud gazing, pirate pretending, t-ball hitting....and we haven't even broken open the sand box yet!  She's having a great time.

I'm FINALLY feeling better this week and have been able to be out and enjoying it, too, though I'm reaching the uncomfortable pregnancy stage of waddling and feeling like my skin just can't possibly stretch anymore, especially in the evening, after being up and around all day long.  How can it stretch for 8 more weeks?  I can't imagine.

Today was a busy day....my brother's neighborhood has a monsterous Easter egg hunt every year, and I took Rachel up this morning again (she went last year, too).  She had a great time collecting eggs and playing with her cousins.

Then I had a baby shower to go to (not for me....for a friend who is due a week before I am).


After dinner we colored Easter eggs. It was Rachel's first time, since Easter has always been right around her birthday and coloring eggs has always kind of gotten lost in the shuffle. I only boiled six eggs because I knew we wouldn't eat very many, but she had a great time (pictures in another post...they're on a different camera and haven't been downloaded yet)

And while she's up in the bathtub right now, the Easter Bunny just stopped by and put her Easter basket together!  She'll be an excited girl tomorrow morning.

mystery solved

The missing box has been found and all is right with the world.  Actually, the missing box turned into three missing boxes!  My wonderful husband crawled all around in the crawl space looking for it, since I had looked everywhere else in the house that it could've been, and instead of just one box, he uncovered three boxes that said "baby" on the sides!  I found all kinds of things I had forgotten we even had.  They were mostly baby toys, but I also found the baby bjorn, play gyms, bathtub, and doorway jumper that I knew were missing.  Now I can continue with my nesting and get them all cleaned up.

In other news...tomorrow the countdown will be 31 weeks down, 9 to go! I'm in single digits! Here's a picture for those of you who keep asking me for pictures of my big belly. Today was my sister in law's wedding, so I had something on besides jeans or sweats for a change and told my husband he'd better get a picture since it doesn't happen very often! (I was very self conscious about not wearing a dress/skirt to a wedding, but every dress I tried on felt like a tent, and I really, REALLY didn't want to wear hose!!! My husband assured me that no one would notice that I didn't have a skirt on. I hope he was right!)

how are you-ah?

Rachel heard a song tonight with the word, "Hallelujah" in it.  She started trying to say it, but instead of saying the right word, she was saying, "How are you-ah!"  It took us awhile to figure out what she was saying and why...and then we couldn't stop laughing! (though my laughing turns into a coughing fit at the moment...I still don't have my voice back and can't laugh or hum or sing without coughing!)

We tried to get her to say it correctly, but each time it came out "how are you-ah!"  I guess it IS a pretty hard word for a little girl who can't yet say the "L" sound!

joining the ranks

...of the mini-van moms!

nesting

My "nesting" instinct started a few weeks ago, when I suddenly HAD to have Rachel's old clothes out of the crawl space in the basement so I could start going through them.  I needed to know what I had (tons!) in order to know what I needed to buy (hardly anything!).  When we got them out I found lots of stains (stains which hadn't been there when I packed them away--I'm SO careful with scrubbing out stains).  My mom and I did some research and found out that it's actually common for formula stains to appear when baby clothes are in storage.  Ugh.  So we looked for ways of getting the stains out.  I tried a couple of techniques and came across one that seems to be working fairly well: soaking everything in the laundry tub full of hot water, dish washing powder, and Biz.  The longer they soak, the better they seem to look (last week they were in there for a whole week since I was too sick to go down and deal with them, and they turned out great!).

Over the weekend my husband and dad put up the crib!  It's a new crib, because Rachel's crib was recalled (after we were done using it with her, thankfully!).  We received a voucher for a new crib, so many months ago, we went and got one, thinking a different baby would be using it, but then we lost that baby (that sweet baby was due today, by the way....), but now it's finally put together and ready for a very special little girl to sleep in it!  Rachel was so excited to see it and about seeing the nursery taking shape.

So now that I'm finally starting to feel better (hooray!), my nesting is in full force.  Yesterday I worked harder than I've worked in months, and I'm still getting over being sick.  But I just feel like there's so much to do before the baby comes and I have to get it done NOW!  I'm still soaking stuff--I finished the 0-3 month clothes and have moved on to 3-6 month clothes so I won't have to worry about them once the baby is here.  I'm washing load after load of blankets, burp cloths, sheets, towels, and so forth.  I'm searching through the basement for baby things, cleaning out Rachel's old closet, sorting through what goes in her new closet and what stays for the baby....  lots to do. 

And there's a box that I'm missing that is driving me CRAZY.  It has about five things in it that I know that I'm missing (my baby bjorn, a couple of play gyms that the baby lays under, and a few other things).  I'm also missing a stack of burp cloths I know I have somewhere. Ugh.  I hate it when I can't find things.  Hopefully I can enlist my husband to dig around in places I can't reach and find it for me before I go completely crazy.

In other news, I sold my little Neon today.  I've had it for almost exactly ten years.  I bought it just before I met my husband....also almost ten years ago.  That sounds like forever!  So we're down to one vehicle for today and tomorrow, and then I'll get my new (to me) van!  Hooray!

sunshine

I haven't posted because in the last post I promised that I would write about something more positive.  But when I promised that, I hadn't anticipated that I'd still be really sick TWELVE DAYS after starting this illness, so I've had very little positive to say lately!  Yes, I've been sick and running a fever off and on for twelve days.  That's crazy.

But here's some positive news:  I finally have a diagnosis and I'm hopefully on my way to recovery.  I went back to the doctor for the second time today and she said I have bronchitis. I wish they would've caught it last week, but for whatever reason, they didn't, and said it was a sinus infection then (though my sinuses were practically clear then!).  So now I'm on a stronger antibiotic, an inhaler, and a steroid (thankfully, all safe for the baby, according to my OB), and I'm hoping they all kick in QUICKLY and I can start feeling better.

And the sun is out today. Always a positive.  It's 59 degrees and beautiful.  I sat outside while Rachel played 'Pirates' on her swingset--it was nice.  Come on, spring!

Yesterday was my birthday.  It was not a birthday I'd care to repeat, since I was feeling lousy, but my parents were here, and they, along with Rachel and my husband, helped make it as nice of a day as it could be, under the circumstances.  But I missed out on a lot of the fun things I had been looking forward to.  Oh well.  Some other time.

And more positive news:  We bought a minivan.  Anyone who knows me very well knows how much I've disliked driving our truck, which has been my primary mode of transportation since Rachel was born, and my little Neon was no longer a viable option.  We get it on Friday, will finally get rid of the Neon, and I'm so excited! 

sick of sickness

I hate winter.  I don't use that word much....I just really, really hate it.  Mostly because of the endless sickness it seems to cause.  Most of the winter Rachel was sick every couple of weeks.  Now it's my turn. 

Somehow I managed to dodge most of her colds and so forth this winter, but not this time.  I'm on day six of this junk...and day four of having a fever.  Every time I think the fever is gone, it comes back later in the day and I start shivering again with a pounding headache.  Ugh.  And being sick when you're also seven months pregnant is even more miserable than normal!  Not only is there not much I can take or much that anyone can do to help me, but there's no snuggling down for a nice long nap or anything, because just finding a comfortable position to lay in is becoming increasingly more difficult.  And even if I do find one, it isn't long before I have to get up to go to the bathroom, and the comfortable position is lost.  And then there's the problem of coughing up both lungs....combine all of these things and you've got an equation which makes it nearly impossible to get any sleep.  I'm going to the doctor this afternoon, but I'm not very hopeful that they can do anything for me.

Sorry to whine.  I'm just really, really, really tired of this.  And it's my blog and I can whine if I want to.... 

And the worst part?  The weather is finally warm this week and I can't even get out and enjoy it. 

Okay, that's enough whining.  Next time I promise I'll have something more positive to say.   Promise.

growing up

Over the last six months or so Rachel has become so much better at entertaining herself.  I can't even explain how nice it is.  That doesn't mean that she doesn't constantly ask for me to play with her....she does.  But more often than not I can tell her that Mommy's busy with X, Y, or Z, and sometimes will give her a suggestion of something she could do, and she's off, and perfectly content to play by herself. 

I think part of it is training and part of it is just age--she's growing up.  Since she was about 6 months old she's had independent play time every day.  It started out in her pack and play every morning while I would take a shower.  She hated it at first, and it would only last for 15 minutes or so and she'd cry a majority of that time, but gradually she got used to it, the time got longer, and she learned to enjoy it.  I've always put a CD on for her and she's had plenty of toys to play with and books to look at.  As she got older and too big for a play pen, she graduated from play pen time to room time.  Now she spends about an hour each morning in her room playing (usually with her princess polly pocket dolls or my old Strawberry Shortcake dolls, or sometimes looking at books).  During this time I take a shower, get dressed, clean up my room, get laundry started, put clothes away, put dinner in the crock pot, or some other assortment of tasks that need to get done.  She never complains about it--she loves it!  This used to be the only independent play time she'd willingly do, but now that she's older she'll just start playing by herself at other times during the day.  This morning, for instance, she has played with lego (part of the time I had to help because lego is a very frustrating activity to her all by herself--she has a hard time getting the pieces apart and making them look like she wants them to look, unless she's just building a tower!), colored a princess picture, played with her train table, had a circus with her little people animals, and played "Princess Flower Girl Rachel" (which consists of her dressing up in a princess dress and pretending she's a flower girl, though the only way she knows what a flower girl is is from a Babar book we once had out of the library months ago!).  Sometimes she does some of these simultaneously (like wearing her princess dress and reinacting "The Little Engine that Could" on her train table, which is what she's doing right now as I type this!).  ***

Now we're entering a new phase of life.  We finally moved her to her big girl room this weekend (it still needs some work, so pictures will be coming eventually, but it's looking good so far) and the room is huge--big enough for lots and lots of her toys.  Our dining room has served as her playroom for the first (almost) four years of her life, and it still will be, but many of the toys that filled it are now in her new room, making room for the baby swing and changing table which need to come up out of the basement for a new little girl who will soon be making her appearance in our family.  So the new phase is now being able to say, "Rachel, go play in your room!"  I'm anxious to see how this phase goes.  She's thrilled about it now.  Hopefully it will stay this way.

This independence she's learned is both good and bad.  Good because it allows me to get things done.  Good because she's developed quite an imagination and loves coming up with scenarios for what's going on with the princesses or trains or whatever she happens to be playing with at the moment.  Bad because she has learned to be the one in control when she plays, and always expects things to work that way.  This becomes a problem at school when she's playing with other kids.  If the other kids don't want to play the way she is playing, she'll just play by herself.  She doesn't get upset (usually)...just prefers to go do things her own way.  This is the whole reason we sent her to school in the first place--to learn to socialize and interact well with other children.  And she is learning...her teacher says she's improved a lot since the beginning of the year, but she still has a way to go.  Hopefully having her in school three mornings next year will help her learn these skills even better.

All that to say, my little girl is growing up.  I can't believe she's almost four.  That just sounds so old.  She's starting to give up her naptime (NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!).  I'm still in denial about that one and still put her in bed every afternoon, but she's only sleeping about half the days right now.  We'll see if with the time change next weekend she'll need the extra sleep again.   I can't believe that this time next year I'll be registering her for kindergarten.  I can't think about that yet.  I just want to bottle her up like this--her joy and enthusiasm and wacky imagination--and savor it forever.


***I should explain that I wrote part of this much earlier in the week.  She wasn't playing with her train table at 9 pm when I published this--she's sleeping in her big girl room at the moment.

March!

Finally!  March is always a happier month for me....halfway through it my birthday comes and it means spring is near.  The snow is slowly melting (I can see some grass again!) and there are birds chirping every morning outside my window.  Rachel says every morning, "The birdies think it's spring!  Not yet, birdies!"  But they know what I know...it is near! 

This year March also means I'm in my third trimester and the end is in sight!  Hooray!

Yesterday Rachel was riding in a cart at the store (she doesn't like riding in the cart anymore and usually asks to walk on her own, but she's SO slow and wants to touch everything that more often than not I end up putting her in there halfway through the shopping excursion because I can't stand the dawdling or telling her not to touch anymore).  Anyway, she was in the cart and her eyes were just about at the level of my big belly.  She put her hands on it and said, "I'm going to look at my baby sister in there."  She stared for a few minutes and then said, "But I can't see her!" 

She tried lifting up my shirt (we were in the parking lot by this point!), as if that would help her see the baby better.  I quickly told her, "NO!  Don't lift up Mommy's shirt!"  She said, "But I can't see if she can dance in there!"  As I held my shirt down I assured her that she didn't know how to dance yet and when she got bigger Rachel would have to teach her how to dance.  She liked that answer and thankfully forgot about trying to lift my shirt up.  Maybe I'll have to put up with the dawdling next time.

presents and sprinkles

I had a coupon to Babies R Us that expired today (which I could combine with another coupon I had), and was determined to get there today to pick out something fun for the baby.  I've only bought her one other thing (an outfit for next winter...on clearance) so far, and am so tempted every time I go in a store, but until I get Rachel's stuff out of storage in the crawl space, I really don't know what she needs, so I refrain myself every time.  So I was excited to go find something and use my coupons.

We also had to pick out a birthday present for Rachel's cousin's birthday party this weekend and her friend's birthday party, which is next weekend.  Our Babies R Us and Toys R Us stores are right next to each other, so it worked perfectly to get it all done in one trip.  Rachel was so excited--not only did she get to look at toys, her very favorite thing to do at a store, but she got to choose what to buy! 

First we looked at baby clothes. She saw all kinds of things she wanted to buy her sister, but then told me that she needed a pink blanket like her own purple blanket. Rachel's purple blanket is her most prized possession, so I thought it was so sweet that she wanted to buy one just like it for her little sister. So we went over to the blankets and she immediately found the one she wanted. It's exactly like hers, but pink--super soft and cuddly.

I showed her all of the other ones and made sure she didn't see any she liked better, but she was sure that this was the right one.

For her friend, she decided right away that we should get her a puzzle. I didn't really know what to get her friend, since she's a friend from school and I don't really know her or what she likes, so I thought a puzzle sounded like a good idea. Puzzles at this age are hard to come by, though. The 24 piece puzzles are for ages 3 and up, and Rachel's been whipping through those for over a year. I didn't want to get one that was too easy. The next size you normally see is usually 100 pieces, for ages 5 and up. Too hard. Sometimes you can find 60 pieces, but they're not as easy to find. Rachel settled on a Melissa and Doug 48 piece puzzle that she has and loves. Since it said ages 4 and up, I decided it would be a good fit.  I hope I'm right.

Then it was over to the boy side of the store to find something for my soon-to-be-five year old nephew.  Rachel immediately said, "Maybe we should get him Power Rangers.  Boys like Power Rangers" (I didn't even know she knew what a Power Ranger was!). My sister in law had told me he loves Power Rangers, so we went to that aisle.  And I realized that I really have no clue when it comes to action figures!  I don't know a thing about Power Rangers!  I live in a world of princesses, dress up, puzzles, and arts and crafts.  I ended up calling my sister in law on the phone from the store to figure out what to get.  Come to find out, the first set Rachel picked out for him, before I had even called her, was what we ended up buying.

After we made all of our decisions Rachel got to look at the things she wanted to look at....the train table, princess dresses and dolls, and bikes.  I had her ride a bike around for a little while, since it's the main present we're getting her for her birthday and I wanted to see what size she needed and how she did on it (she did pretty well!).  She picked out the helmet she liked best, too (without knowing why I was asking).  She liked the princess helmet, of course.

It was a fun morning for both of us.  It was so nice to see her thinking about what other people would like, as opposed to just what she would like.

**Just a couple of fun asides: 

Last night when I was reading her a story before bed, she started patting my belly.  "Is it okay to pat the baby, Mommy?" she asked me.  I told her yes, that it was okay.  I asked her if she wanted to say hi to her baby sister, so she started talking to my tummy:  "Hi Baby Sister.  I'm your big sister Rachel.  But I can't know what your name is yet."  (It's not that she can't...it's just that we haven't decided yet!)

Then we started talking about what we should name her.  Rachel originally wanted to name her "Rachel."  When we told her we couldn't have two Rachels in the house, she started making up silly names.  Last night she started choosing princess names (Belle was the one she decided she liked the best).  And finally she decided we should name her "Sprinkles," just like in Blue's Clues (Blue has a baby brother named Sprinkles--we've had the book out of the library for a few weeks and have read it several times).  So for now, I guess I'm carrying Baby Sprinkles.

This morning when she woke up Rachel asked me if "the girl baby" was out of my tummy yet. When I told her no, that we had to wait until springtime, she let out an exasperated sigh....kind of like, "C'mon already!" It made me laugh.  I can relate to her impatience, though....I'm more than ready to have her out of my tummy, too.  I talked to a friend last weekend who told me, "I just loved being pregnant.  I could be a surrogate for someone, I think."  Oh, how I wish I enjoyed it like that, but that simply isn't me.  Pregnancy is definitely not an easy or fun thing for me, though I couldn't be more thrilled for the prize at the end!

Rachel went into her "new" room this morning (which my husband has slowly been emptying, to get ready to paint it to get ready for her, so it's looking bigger and bigger as it gets more and more empty) and said, "Look, Mom! This is going to be my room!" I told her what a big girl she was for getting such a big room and she said, "But I just want a small room. No, I just want a middle sized room." But then I told her that we'd get to put lots of her toys in her room since it was so big (she only has a couple of her toys in her room now, because it's really small) and she got excited, telling me what toys we should put in there.  If she'd have her way it sounds like everything would be in her room and nothing left in the play room downstairs!

the long winter

This is the winter that never ends....

Remember this?

Now it looks like this, thanks to 10 more inches yesterday. (Sorry, it was taken through my screen because I can't get the back door open in the snow to take a better picture!)

I'm done with this snow!  I think I want to move to Arizona.  Or the Bahamas.  Or at the very least go there until I can see the grass again.

And if the snow isn't frustrating enough (and the resulting stuck-in-the-house feeling), Rachel is sick.  We had to go out in the horrible weather (the roads were terrible!) and take her to the doctor.  He said it could be RSV, which isn't a huge deal unless you're an infant, but the resulting cough could last 5-8 weeks, he told us!  The cough is why we went, because she's been up at night coughing...and coughing...and coughing some more.  Last night she and I spent the 3:15-5:15 AM hours together with her coughing constantly.  The poor thing.  Thankfully, though she has a fever and the cough, she seems to be acting fine otherwise.  She would've missed school today because of it, but it was a snow day, so I guess there's a little silver lining in all of this.  She would've been sad to have missed out on a day at school when her friends were all there.

I thought these were to be my last 15 weeks of a whole night of sleep, but I'm spending them up with my little coughing machine.  I guess I'm being prepared for sleep deprivation a couple of months early....

impatience

I mentioned that Rachel got a new clock for Christmas--an Okay to Wake clock.

It's worked like a charm, and I'm loving the benefits of an extra hour of sleep it affords, since she's not allowed to call Mommy until the clock turns green at 7:00 AM, instead of the 6:00 or 6:15 it used to be. 

But sometimes she wakes well before the 7:00 clock-turning-green time (you can set it to turn green at any time....I've just chosen 7:00 as the time I'll allow her to get up).  This morning my husband's alarm went off (very loudly) at 6:00 and he fumbled with it for quite awhile until he was able to get it turned off.  Rachel heard it from her room next to ours and within seconds she was calling me, which she usually doesn't do, so I was surprised to hear her.  I went in and she asked me to cover her up because she couldn't reach the covers.  She told me she was having good dreams and was going back to sleep.  Sounded good to me!

She settled back down, I got back in bed, and my poor husband started getting ready for his day. 

However, Rachel didn't go back to sleep.  She was quiet, which was great, but she was coughing every 30 seconds or so, which is how I knew she was awake (she's been fighting a cold for a little over a week). 

So at 6:47, she apparently had had quite enough of lying in bed, coughing, and waiting for her clock to turn green (47 minutes must seem like an eternity to a three year old, when it's spent lying in bed, waiting!).  My husband and I both burst out laughing when we heard her call out, at 6:48, "C'mon, clock!" in complete exasperation.

snow fort and 24 weeks

Rachel's been asking since Friday to make a snow family.  Daddy told her that today they could.  But it got so cold last night that when they went outside to make them, the snow was too hard to roll into snowmen. 

Instead, they got out the snow block maker and made a snow fort. 

Rachel said she had fun, but she didn't like the fort because it didn't have a roof or a door.  She obviously hasn't had any snowball fights yet to know that those things wouldn't really come in handy in a snow fort.

Oh, and can you see the cheesy smile? That's what I get when I tell her to smile.  If I want a real smile I have to tell her to say something, like "I made a snow fort!" and then it's more natural.  I didn't do that this time.

In other news, I'm 24 weeks along today.  This weekend's momentous event is that my husband finally felt the baby move.  I don't know how he can miss it, since she's now moving my entire belly with her gymnastics.  Tonight instead of watching the Super Bowl halftime show, I was watching my belly move. (I could care less about The Who, but she seemed to enjoy the music, because she was moving around like crazy!)

And Adrianne, you asked for belly pictures....sadly, this is only the second set we've taken, and they're horrible, but here you go. My husband says it looks bigger in this picture than in real life. He knows just what to say.... :)