first day - first grade edition

Last year I found a poem which perfectly described how I was feeling as I sent my treasure of a little girl out into the world on her first day of kindergarten.  It still makes me cry to read it.

This year I found another, as I send that same little girl off to a FULL day of school for the first time.  This one isn't quite the tear jerker, but I've still shed plenty of tears leading up to this day.

(Author Unknown) 

I wonder what you're doing right now
And if everyone is treating you kind
I hope there is a special person,
A nice friend you can find.

I wonder if the teacher knows
just how special you are to me.
And if the brightness of your heart
is something she can see.

I wonder if you are thinking of me
And if you need a hug.
I already miss the sound of your voice
and how you give my leg a tug.

I wonder if you could possibly understand
How hard it is for me to let you go.
On this day, know that my heart breaks,
For this is the first step in letting my baby go.

This isn't the first step, as the poem says....but it's another big one, letting her go all day long.  Today she'll be eating lunch in the cafeteria--I packed the first of many school lunches this morning.  She left at 8:33.  And she won't get off the bus until 4:01!  What a LONG day!

She's ready.  She's so excited.  I'm excited for her, but I'm also missing my little girl.  I can't wait to pick her up at the bus stop this afternoon and hear all about her day.  Our bus stop was moved this year to farther away, which will stink come winter (and rainy days), but I'm looking forward to the walks home on the nice days, hearing all about her day at school.  Actually, a few days ago she started crying out of nowhere one night, telling me that she had been so excited about Taylor being in her class that she forgot about how much she's going to miss me!  I reassured her about how much fun school would be, and she's still mostly excited, but she's a little bit scared, too.  She's cried when talking about it a few more times since then.  But this morning it was all excitement.  Seeing all of her friends at "Meet the Teacher" day yesterday helped build the excitement, I think.

The part of the poem that really gets me is the line about if the teacher knows how special she is to me and whether she sees the brightness in her heart.  When I was a first grade teacher, I wasn't yet a parent, and though I was kind, loving, and nurturing to them, it never really dawned on me that these children in my care were their parents' precious treasures.  So it makes me sad to think that her teacher likely won't see her that way, either.  She'll just be another little girl in the class.  Cute, or sweet, or talkative, maybe.  But she won't be thought of and treated as my beloved pride and joy!  I guess that's what makes it so hard to know she's going out into the world on her own--that she's just another girl to everyone else.  People will be mean to her.  People will hurt her feelings.  I know it's all part of life.  But she's mine!  And I just want to shield her from all of that.  Maybe it'll get easier to let go as she gets older.  But somehow I doubt it.

So she's off on another adventure. 

First Grade, here comes Rachel!!!