and she's off...

I Trust You’ll Treat Her Well

By Victor Buono

Dear World:

I bequeath to you today one little girl … in a crispy dress … with two brown eyes … and a happy laugh that ripples all day long … and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I trust you’ll treat her well.

She’s slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning … and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proud she’ll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say “Good Bye”… and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.

Now she’ll learn to stand in line … and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She’ll learn to tune her ears to the sounds of school-bells … and deadlines … and she’ll learn to giggle … and gossip … and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy across the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And now she’ll learn to be jealous. And now she’ll learn how it is to feel hurt inside. And now she’ll learn how not to cry.

No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in a sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn to kiss lilac blossoms in the morning dew. No, now she’ll worry about important things. Like grades … and which dress to wear … and who’s best friend is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls. And now she’ll find new heroes.

For five full years now I’ve been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and father and friend. Now she’ll learn to share her worship with her teachers … which is only right. But, no longer will I be the smartest man in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time … she’ll learn what it means to be a member of a group. With all it’s privileges. And it’s disadvantages too.

She’ll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud. Or kiss dogs. Or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms. Or even watch ants scurry across cracks in the summer sidewalk.

Today she’ll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I’ll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to become a woman.

So, World. I bequeath to you today one little girl … in a crispy dress … with two brown eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long … and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.

I trust you’ll treat her well.

I ran across this poem over the weekend when I was looking for something else. It made me cry...a lot. I cried when I read it, I cried later when I told my husband about it, I cried that night, just thinking about it. I'm posting it (crying again), not to make you cry, but because it so perfectly explains how I'm feeling today.

Sending my little treasure of a girl out into the big world, knowing that this is just the first of many stages of "letting go," is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. She's thrilled, and I'm thrilled for her, but I also don't want the world to spoil what makes her so unique, and that's why I'm so sad. I don't want her to change, and I know the world will force itself on her in one way or another. I want her to fit in, but I want her to be herself. I want her to make friends, but I want them to be friends who love her for who she is.  Questions swirl around constantly in my mind....Have I grounded her enough?  Prepared her well enough?  Played with her enough?  Loved her enough?  I want her to grow up...but I don't....

But it is what it is.  It'll happen whether I want it to or not.

And so today she's off on her new adventure. And it's raining HARD....I went to school for 13 years, taught for 10, and I don't think I EVER had rain on the first day of school.  Now it's her first day and there's a thunderstorm????  Where will we take the first day of school pictures in her cute little outfit?  How will we take pictures of her getting on the bus??  Ugh.  Figures.  This is why I'm awake at 5 AM on the first day of school.  Worrying about picture taking!  Never thought I'd have THIS to contend with too, on top of my other emotions this morning.

EDITED TO ADD:

The rain stopped!  Yay!  My worrying was for nothing.  We got plenty of pictures.  And I managed to hold in my tears until after she left, which is what I was hoping.

Then I set to work making these to surprise her:

Can't wait for her to be home in an hour!

(Many people on facebook commented at how much she looks like me.  My mom reminded me of this picture of my first day of kindergarten, so here you go, for comparison's sake...hope you don't mind your picture on here, too, Jennifer!!)